The World's Coolest Woman

Seriously.

They Do it Exceptionally Well (continued)

Or, the Baby Out with the Plath Water

Four thousand comments later, I make my case in the Plath debate.

A little literary lesson: (myself included), you can't argue Joyce Carol Oates--you know, the essayist --successfully! You just can't. We inhale Oxygen and exhale Carbon Dioxide, Oates inhales Oxygen and breathes out books.

By the way, I'm remaking my web site. And for no reason whatsoever. Good for me.

Rena

They Do It Exceptionally Well (Plath's Kid Kicks the Bucket).

The son of the poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath has taken his own life, 46 years after his mother gassed herself while he slept.

Nicholas Hughes hanged himself at his home in Alaska after battling against depression for some time, his sister Frieda said yesterday.

He was 47, unmarried with no children of his own and had until recently been a professor of fisheries and ocean sciences at the University of Alaska Fairbanks.

Nicholas Hughes hanged himself at his home in Alaska after battling against depression for some time, his sister Frieda said yesterday. read more.

Dying

Is an art, like everything else,

I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.

I do it so it feels real.

I guess you could say I've a call.

--SYLVIA PLATH

Mirky...

which way is the better way to go? is it, to hit the floor from the impact of a mercury-poisoned newspaper headline? or tell me, is it better to go slowly -- for your brain to butter itself in a blanket of mercury over time. you see, i'm not sure.

Yesterday, the Washington Post almost killed me with the headline and lead:

Study Finds High-Fructose Corn Syrup Contains Mercury
half of tested samples of commercial high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) contained mercury, which was also found in nearly a third of 55 popular brand-name food and beverage products where HFCS is the first- or second-highest labeled ingredient, according to two new U.S. studies.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SUGAR I CONSUME? no really, I don't think you do.

So, nearing death via shock and a detour in cardiac output (you know from the headline), I carried each finger to its corresponding letter: W-I-K-ipae. Typing my hardest, my hands just slipped. It was the shaking. The terror. I failed. As I sat there, cold and enlightened, my last lit second...as I sat there, muttering the irony of words like "silver", my elbow hit the "return" key. staring at the words in front of me, I read allowed. "Do You Mean Wikipedia?" said google in blue. YES, YES, I do! I do! Clicking on that oh, whatever, RELIABLE site (the one that can't get one thing right), I clicked on "Wikipedia", type in Mercury where the cursor blinked and waited for my old friend mr computer (recently the marriage with mrs. airport has slowed things down). I was brought to a page likely created by a Stewie or Good Will Hunting type. The bottom paragraph has clearly been written by several sources (don't click on their links, you'll enable their page rank):

In the United States, the Environmental Protection Agency is charged with regulating and managing mercury contamination. Several laws give the EPA this authority, including the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act, the Resource Conservation and Recovery Act, and the Safe Drinking Water Act. Additionally, the Mercury-Containing and Rechargeable Battery Management Act, passed in 1996, phases out the use of mercury in batteries, and provides for the efficient and cost-effective disposal of many types of used batteries. North America contributed approximately 11% of the total global anthropogenic mercury emissions in 1995.

ok, present tense. i'm on mercury and stupid so my writing is bad.

about the paragraph above the above, here's my question. are those stewie good wills trying to be NEWSY? because that first line almost bleeds it leads so much, then they get flat which is often confused with not being biased, using words like "efficient" and "cost-effective". ANYWAY, my point and I do not have one, but I'm trying to make one...is about those "several laws."

Let's look at each, shall we?

Clean Air Act:
I don't need to look. Let me guess. created after the ozone layer realized it was hole-y.

Clean Water Act:
passed in 1972 AFTER rivers and lakes ALREADY polluted and AFTER wet lands had dried up from ...shmoosh.

Resource Conservation and Recovery Act:
Until the mid-1980s most underground storage tanks (USTs) were made of bare steel, which is likely to corrode over time and allow content to leak into the environment. When I say content i mean petroleum type of gook, which had the potential to seep into the soil and contaminate groundwater, the source of drinking water for nearly half of all Americans.

Safe Drinking Water Act (think Erin Brockovich):
Congress enacted this one after nationwide studies of water systems revealed some really %^#^%# up $@%$, or to put it nicely, "health risks from poor operating procedures", inadequate facilities, and poor management of public water supplies everywhere. Since then, every time there's a problem with water, they update it after, which is good yes, I never believed in brita, but again, can't we prevent these things? (Remember my questions are for the gods too.)

Mercury-Containing and Rechargeable Battery Management:
passed in 1996, this reduced the environmental impact of yucky mercury batteries in landfills that are bad for the earth. Unfortunately, we've just discovered that we've been eating the remains since. Oh well.

Rena

It's a Bird AND a Plane

What the Flock, by rena silverman
They're calling it Miracle on the Hudson. An appropriate name for a story with
a hero - the pilot -- who managed to land a US Airways plane onto the Hudson River with the grace of a ballerina , and without one injury. read more on iReport.com...

Get Served in an Incredibly Crowded Bar - wikiHow

a little advice from me because I'm short. read more.

Presidential Election Results - The Numbers

It's a Stick Up!

Burglar sure knows how to pick 'em: Breaks into home of off-duty cop
BY KERRY BURKE, ALISON GENDAR AND WIL CRUZ
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
Friday, October 31st 2008, 3:07 PM

Bad idea. Worse location.
A career criminal hoping to score during a daylight burglary was met by an off-duty cop who whipped out a gun and shot him.
Police said the would-be-thief broke into the officer's Brooklyn home Friday shortly after 1:30 p.m. The suspect, armed with a tire iron, attacked the cop. read more..

(well, a screw up)

Haiku of the Day, and at this rate, don't expect one tomorrow.

Sharing the same blood

but we're not related--that

hateful mosquito! 

Rena Silverman

Haiku of the Day (but don't expect one tomorrow)

The Fight of a Freelancer

Please don't call us 'cause
We'll call you. Ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha ha ha ha ha.



posted by Rena Silverman

Express Yourself ...They've Crossed the Line!

or, how to be a local lunatic.

In every supermarket, there is an express aisle. In every express aisle, there is a line. In every line, there is inevitably someone who cheats the system, never thinking twice about it.

John Mason thinks twice about it. Mason, who has a habit of making small purchases,is often seen in the express checkout line at his local supermarket, which he emphasizes is for people with "15 items or less".

"Invariably," he growls, "there is a guy also in line who thinks he can get away with buying twenty."

That's when Mason into what he calls "Sesame Street mode."

He begins by counting loudly and clearly as he loads each of his own items onto the conveyor belt. "It's just subtle enough that there is room for people to think that you are doing it for your own sake," says the twenty-nine-year-old cartoonist from Statesboro, Georgia. "But it's also just obvious enough for the guilty person and anyone else with a clue to know you are making a point."

Mason says that he has yet to shame anyone into actually leaving the express line. But he is not done trying.

"It's always the guilty party who looks the other way and pretends it's not happening," he says. "And it's usually the clerk who tosses me a knowing glance and chuckles a bit."
Posted by Rena Silverman

Artists: How to Cope with Rejection Letters

And, how toilet paper can help.

The following activities have been used in various psychiatric hospitals, prisons, nursing homes, and other ill-fated institutions. It has long been known that trivial craft projects deflect the agony of the dark-hearted and cynical. The goal here is not to make great art but to create a purpose, an actual "pragmatic" need (if you will), for your rejection letters.

Toilet Paper Effigy
Pick your nemesis: agent, editor, director, curator, critic. Effigies say "Die, motherfucker" better than any vengeful threat or dartboard. You will need: scissors, glue, a photo (or a copy of one) of your nemesis, a cardboard toilet paper tube, a Ping-Pong ball, a rejection letter, and lighter fluid.
1. Paste your rejection letter around the cardboard tube. Trim excess.
2. Make two slits opposite each other in the toilet paper tube. The cuts should go a third of the way up the tube.
3. Curve each of the two flaps you just created into small cylinders—these will be the legs.
4. Glue the Ping-Pong ball into the top of the tube.
5. Paste an image of your nemesis's face onto the Ping-Pong ball (or simply draw your own rendition).
6. Douse in lighter fluid and burn on fire escape.

Paper Chain Noose

This one's easy. Create one for every room. You will need:
many rejection letters, scissors, and stapler.
1. Cut rejection letters in half, then into strips.
2. Staple one loop, then create another inside the first, staple, and repeat continuously.
3. Hang chain from ceiling. Loop into noose.

Gold Macaroni Frame 

Here's a great way to display your all-time favorite! You will need: your best (i.e., most insulting) rejection letter, glue, dry macaroni, foam- or cardboard, and gold or silver spray paint.
1. Paste macaroni shapes to the edges of a ten-by-twelve inch piece of card- \ board or foamboard. You may want to alternate your pasta shape with bow ties, rotini, and wagon wheels for a thoughtfully patterned design.
2. Coat with gold spray paint (or use
silver for a more industrial look).
3. Glue rejection letter inside your gorgeous frame and hang it on walls for all to marvel at.

Holiday Arson Balls  
This a delightful holiday treat if you're one of the few artists lucky enough to have a fireplace. If not, an alley garbage can will do. Grab your friends and a few gallons of eggnog, and let the fun begin. You will need: potpourri (or substitute dead flowers and crushed pine needles), cheap bourbon, festive ribbons, and rejection letters.
1. Place rejection letter facedown and plunk a handful of potpourri onto its center.
2. Fold up corners and gather at the top like a doggie bag.
3. Cinch with festive ribbon.
4. Douse in cheap bourbon and toss into the fire.

Angel of Despair

Why not pray while sobbing on your knees? Remove your hands from in front of your face and clasp them together before this lovely Angel of Despair. You will need: scissors, glue, your favorite rejection letter, poster board, paper doily, and metal beer pull tab.

1. Back your rejection letter by gluing it to a piece of stiffer poster board.
2. Cut letter into the biggest half circle it can make.
3. Fold half circle into cone and glue at seams.
4. Trace hand shape onto two doilies and cut out.
5. Glue doilies to back of cone to create wings.
6. Draw head and arms on poster board and cut out. Attach to cone body with glue.
7. Glue beer pull tab to head to create halo.

If you run out of activities to cover your rejection letters, simply start all over again from the top of this list! Soon enough, you'll have a house full of reject-o-crafts!

Posted by Rena Silverman